Ways To Annoy The Pirate Crew
by TrueBlondie
Summary: The title says it all....How do annoy your favorite pirates!NOW includes Davy Jones!
1. Sparrow

1. Ask Jack were he buys his guy liner.

2. Command him to say guy liner, if he refuses cry.

3. Call him an unuch.

4. Tell him Will likes him.

5. Say 'I love you' and scream really loud ( I mean window shattering loud)

6. Pay Barbosa to flirt with him, if he says no tell him Jack shot the monkey.

7. Challenge Jack to a card game, slap him. If he asks why say I thought we were playing Slap Jack.

8. Wine about how Elizabeth picked Will over him.

9. Call him a pretty girl.

10. While he is asleep apply red lipstick. When he wakes up say it had to be done.

11. Ask him if he has ever thought of attending Alcoholics Anonymous.

12. Say Johnny Depp is hotter.

13. Tie a rope around a bottle of rum, if he wants it say it's your pet.

14. When alone on an island and a dead squid washes up on shore start crying and say you have to bury it because it's the Kraken spawn.

15. Eat his hat.

16. Imitate his every move, when he looks back yell stalker as loud as possible.

17. Say I know were you sleep every 4.7 seconds.

18. Tell him you see a wrinkle.

19. Call him old.

20. Play matchmaker and set him up with Pintel.

21. Ask him if he likes men, if not ask again.

22. Sing 'Secret Lovers' every time he is around Will.

23. When he passes Elizabeth sing 'Everytime We Touch'.

24. Say you are his daughter/son. If he looks shocked say don't make me file a lawsuit!

25. Tell him to address you as the Burger King from Minnesota, California.

26. If he agrees ask about the secret sauce.

27. Light his rum on fire.

28. Ask him why he braids his beard.

29. Say he should be a girl scout.

30. Ask him what kind of meds is he on.

31. Tell the tales of Le Barney De Terrifying.

32. Tell him you have found the fountain of youth, Botox.

33. Poke him.

34. Tell Elizabeth Jack was hitting on Will.

35. Ask him if he likes beavers.

36. Ask if he is Glamorous (sing it)

37. Read him a story.

38. Dye his hair bleach blonde.

39. Call him a Valley Girl.

40. While he is asleep shave his head.

41. Sell it on E-bay.

42. Complain to him about how no on would buy it.

43. Give some to Tia Dalma to make a Jack clone.

44. Say you are sorry and hug him, don't every let go.

45. Ask if he has seen Pirates of the Caribbean.

46. Say Will is big pimpin', he isn't. When he asks what pimpin' is say forget it.

47. Say you want a divorce.

48. Say you love Jack, if he comments yell Jack the monkey.

49. Call him a fashionista

50. When he finally makes you walk the plank with Jack the monkey in to grab his leg and say he has been Punk'd

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Author's Note: Wow, that was random. I'm lovin' writing POTC fan fiction, if you love it or hate it please review. I am also thinking of continuing this with the other pirates characters if you has any idea review!

Disclaimer: I don't own pirates, if I did Jack would end up with Liz.


	2. Barbosa

**Yay! I updated, by far the fastest update yet! Anyways here is the next installment of Ways To Annoy The Pirate Crew. So I decided on Barbosa over Elizabeth or Will….Your sick of my talking eh?**

**How To Annoy Crewmate: Barbosa Edition**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...Nor will I ever...cries**

1. Tell him he is evil, if he likes it yell 'Barbosa is a meanie'.

2. Ask if him if he is related to Barbie, if he denies cry about how Barbie and Ken are over.

3. Ask if he is in love with Jack.

4. Hold Jack the monkey for ransom.

5. Throw green apples at his head.

6. Ask if he gets a perm.

7. Imitate Jack every chance you get.

8. Sing the Oscar Mayer Weiner Song.

9. Whisper 'Bologna' in his ear.

10. Act like a dog.

11. Ask him if he wants to dance.

12. Repeat number 11 if necessary.

13. Scream Kraken, when he turns around say you said cracker.

14. Offer him a cracker.

15. Ask if he likes to braid Jack's dreadlocks.

16. Comment on his abnormally orange hair.

17. Paint his nails hot pink, say Jack did it.

18. When he finally corners Jack about the polish sing 'Secret Lovers' again.

19. Apply guy liner on him.

20. Ask him if he has hear about Geico.

21. Tell him to hold his tongue and say 'I am a pirate on a ship with lots of apples'.

22. If he spits on you scream and cry until he gives you his apple stash.

23. Ask why the green apples are never moldy.

24. Ask what he has against red apples.

25. Complain of seasickness.

26. Spread the rumor that he has a stuffed kitty around the ship.

27. Ask him what kind of undies Jack wears. (Sorry couldn't help it.)

28. Pretend to be Shakira in Hips Don't Lie. Even better if you are male.

29. Say you are a ninja from Montana with gold soup ladles.

30. Ask how old he really is.

31. Slap him for trying to kill Jack.

32. Ask if he has girl problems.

33. Give him highlights.

34. Ask for money.

35. Tell him you are the new Captain.

36. Ask if his Mommy knows were he is.

37. Say his is grounded.

38. Tell him Will is in love with him.

39. If he asks Will yell 'That was a secret!'

40. Yell 'We're over!' in front of the whole crew.

41. Challenge him to a drinking contest, winner eats loser.

42. Ask why he likes his food to watch him (pig in first movie)

43. Tell him he has failed pop stars everywhere.

44. Leave him love letters.

45. Make long distance phone calls in roaming hours and give him the bill.

46. Ask if he has ever thought about shaving his bead off.

47. Say Jack has an awesomer beard.

48. Donate his body to science.

49. Paint the ship bright yellow and rename it The Flowering Flower.

50. While he is still royally Po'd tell him Jack thinks they need to take some time apart.

**Author's Note: Like? Than review….The more reviews the faster the update…..**


	3. Turner

**Finally. I updated, I know it was only yesterday but may know I'm a procrastinator….I feel so proud. Anyways enough about me and on with the annoyance!**

**Ways To Annoy the Pirate Crew: Will Turner Edition.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...yet.**

1. Call him an unuch.

2. Ask him why Elizabeth didn't get a ring.

3. Tell him his fan club hates him.

4. Tell him Elizabeth is pregnant with Jack's love child.

5. Throw swords at him.

6. Cry if he doesn't die.

7. Ask why he likes Norrington.

8. Say you are his secret lover.

9. Ask him why he thinks man pony tails are sexy.

10. While he is asleep give him a mullet.

11. Ask if he is a princess.

12. Claim while holding the compass it pointed at him.

13. If he comments, laugh in his face and say 'you actually believed me?"

14. Tell him you saw Jack and Elizabeth making out.

15, If he confronts Jack start singing 'Hollaback Girl' really loudly.

16. Start with the Yo Mama jokes.

17. Put fish in his bed.

18. Follow him around with a stick, poke him every 6 minutes.

19. If he comments yell about how he abused that donkey.

20. Tell him you want to play house, he gets to be Mommy.

21. Speak in only pig Latin.

22. Slap him every time he glares at Jack.

23. Tell him you are his long lost brother's cousin.

24. Spread the rumor he has cooties.

25 Play spin the bottle with him if he tries to kiss you yell 'Elizabeth Will tried to kiss me'

26. Call him a cheater pants every chance you get.

27. Confess your love for him.

28. Ask why he doesn't have a pimpin' beard like Jack and Barbosa.

29. Ask if he drinks Budweiser.

30. If he says yes call the cops and report an underage drinker.

31. Throw your science homework at him.

32. Force him to forge your parents signatures.

33. Make him read you a good night story.

34. If he tries to leave scream until he comes back.

35. Put worms in his boots.

36. Tell Jack Will wrote a steamy romance novel about him.

37. Imitate his sad lover face.

38. Ask if he is on drugs.

39. If he denies yell 'steroids kill!' in front of the whole crew.

40. Put him in a straightjacket until he admits his love for Jack.

41. Write love letters in his hand writing to Jack.

42. Complain about how he isn't dramatic.

43. Challenge him to a square dance off.

44. Ask if he wants to he a human cannon ball.

45. Speak only in Chatspeak.

46. While he is sleeping write all over his face with a sharpie.

47. Sell I hate Will shirts.

48. Claim he married Jack last night while drunk.

49. Repeat with the 'Secret Lovers' song.

50. Insist he buy you a new ipod every minute of the day.

**Author's Note: Wow. Done with another chapter. Please review...or else.**


	4. Jones

**Yes, yes I didn't update yesterday with good reason…I have my end of course exams today and tomorrow….Bad me I should be studying but I couldn't stay away from my beloved child like laptop. Sorry, I kinda forgot to number them so yeah...There are 50.**

**Disclaimer: Sorry I don't own it.**

**How to Annoy the Pirate Crew: Davy Jones Edition.**

Ask him if he eats fish.

Yell 'animal cruelty!' if he does.

Call him a cannibal.

Play the Jaws song on his organ (Thank you Maccus Lover)

Pull his tentacles, say Jack did it.

Spray him with silly string only to see if it sticks.

Squeeze his cheeks and call him a cutie.

Confess your love for him.

Tie bows around his tentacles while he is asleep.

Ask why there is a living creature on his face.

Spray him with instant tanner.

When he comes out yelling, scream 'it's Barbosa's lover!'

Constantly ask to braid his tentacles.

Early in the morning blast NSYNC in his cabin.

Make him tea, if he thinks it is yummy say Jack made it.

Call him yummy.

Tell his crew you married him to a plank in his sleep.

Make clap like heart sounds with your hands.

Make him a bendy pipe cleaner crown.

Say 'it was made with love.'

Give him a manicure.

Ask if he knows what happen to the undead when they die.

If he becomes completely paranoid say 'they have a funeral, duh.'

Force him to color with you.

Blackmail him with the incriminating New Years pictures.

Tell him he can't pull off a mankini.

Ask why Bond is blonde.

Ask if he enjoys haggis.

Pos t the pics online, with the help of Jack.

Step him up on a blind date with Elizabeth. (Thank you again!)

Shoot him with a water gun.

Place itching powder in his bed.

Tell the crew Davy is over the hill.

Tell him Calypso cheated on Cheaters.

When he gets mad answer 'violence isn't the key.'

Ask if he will set you up with Jack. Ask this every 10 seconds.

Ask if he enjoys the company of men.

If he looks at you weird yell 'Davy Jones is a pervert!'

Whisper 'Secret Lovers' as he looks at Will.

Make him listen to your 'Born to be Throw Wild' impression.

Throw jars of dirt at him to see what happens.

If he yells start to cry.

Stick jelly beans up the tentacles while he is sleeping.

Cry for your mommy until he sings a 'Stars are Blind'.

Ask if he was ever a stripper.

Ask how much money he makes,

Ask if he is dating anyone.

Ask if Jack is a good kisser.

Ask if Will is a good kisser.

Say you are his daughter, point to Jack.

**Author's Note: Yay! I umm…updated. It's either Elizabeth or Gov. Swann next. Review mateys!**


	5. Swann

Bah sorry it took me forever to update. My computer keeps crashing and it's like a million degrees outside.

How to Annoy the Pirate Crew: Elizabeth Swann edition.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything….If it I well…yeah you get it.

1. Mock her English accent horribly.

2. Only talk about corsets.

3. Whine about why she chose Will over Jack.

4. Ask why she doesn't have a pretty wig like daddy.

5. Tell her Norrington is in love with Will.

6. Ask if she has been to Singapore.

7. Ask if she has a weave.

8. Attempt to pull the weave out.

9. Ask if she likes the name Elizabeth.

10. Complain about how she gets to kiss all the hot guys.

11. Claim you are the new captain and divorce and remarry Will and Jack many times.

12. Slap her and yell about how she killed Captain Jack.

13. Ask if she is fond of Captain Morgan.

14. Sing 'Lucky' all night, in the morning switch to 'Milkshake'.

15. Ask what happened to Wills hair.

16. Throw Jell-o at her every time she says pirate.

17. Ask why her hair changes lengths.

18. Complain about how you don't get a spray on tan.

19. Tell Jack Lizzie stole his rum.

20. When he questions her sing 'Secret Lovers' again.

21. Spread the rumor she went on a date with Davy, and liked it.

22. Ask if she eats paste, offer her some.

23. Ask why she didn't go with Will.

24. Ask if the kid is Jack's.

25 Tell her she should have been a rapper.

26. If she looks at you weird, tell her to ask Jack cuz he has a pimpin' beard.

27. Comment about why she didn't just marry Norrington.

28. One morning make up some lavish story about her getting really drunk.

29. When she gets paranoid laugh and say what happens in the Caribbean stays in the Caribbean.

30. Accuse her of killing Jack the Monkey.

31. Play DDR all night long in her cabin.

32. Ask if she is a swan in disguise.

33. Quack like a duck, ask if she is a duck.

34. Repeat with every bird you can immitate.

35. Call What Not To Wear.

36. Send angry fangirls after her.

37. Push her overboard.

38. Impeach her as Pirate King (????)

39. Sing Phantom of the Opera all morning after DDR all night.

40. Bark like a dog when she says Mr. Sparrow.

Author's Note: I added a few more...Hehe.


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